Relationship Subscription (Single Song)

Written By: Kim Cross

I saw a meme about dating in 2026, and it was so outrageous it made me laugh. I immediately thought, this needs to be a song — so I wrote “Relationship Subscription.”

Basically, he wants her loyalty, attention, exclusivity, and late-night availability… but he doesn’t want to call her his girlfriend, take her on dates, post her on social media, or stop talking to other women.

Oh, and he’s “not ready for a relationship.”

Sir. 😂

“Relationship Subscription” is my funny, sarcastic take on modern situationships, double standards, emotional unavailability, and people who want premium relationship benefits while refusing to pay for the subscription.

She listens to his entire proposal, does the math, and realizes there’s one little problem:

While he was figuring out what he wanted, she figured out what she wanted too.

And baby… it ain’t him.

Main Social Media Post

I saw a meme about dating in 2026, and it was so outrageous it made me laugh. 😂

I immediately thought, this needs to be a song — so I wrote one.

Basically:

“I don’t want you to be my girlfriend.”
“I don’t want anyone to know about you.”
“I don’t really want to take you on dates.”
“I still want to talk to other women.”
“I’m not over my ex.”

BUT…

“You need to be loyal to me while I figure out what I want.”

Sir. 😂😂😂

Apparently we’re offering full-time girlfriend benefits with commitment optional.